Christmas(es)...mostly of the Polish variety.

**note to reader: this post is being posted about a month after I wrote it. The way I figure it, it's better than 2 months late.**

I have eaten my fill of mazurek. The little Polish cookies, sort of like shortbread with different toppings are delicious, yes. But at this point, I've been eating them for two weeks, and can't do it anymore...until Easter that is, at which time I will be all too enthusiastic to pop them into my mouth until I feel sick because I have eaten too many.


I'm full of mazurek earlier this year than any other because I did a Polish Christmas in Newark before I came home. The journey that led me to come home for the holidays instead of staying is one for another post, and I won't get into it here. But, I insisted then, that I would do Polish Christmas Eve on the 17th...exactly one week early. And, as all things, it started small, and grew. And grew. And grew. And on the 17th, one week early, the Newark JVC house held a Wiligia with 7 guests - coworkers and friends.


Having never cooked the dishes for Polish Christmas before - only Easter, I tried my best, and found, as I did when I did my first Polish Easter by myself, that that is what home tastes like. Polish Christmas.


And on that night, we lit the candle in the window, we put the straw at the corners of the table, I read the Polish blessing, and everyone stood in a circle and broke oplatki with each other. And once again, "home" got all confused and fuzzy in my mind. Because maybe just at that moment, I couldn't imagine what else would be necessary to make that home.


...and then I went home.


Home - where my mother and father and sister were all also cooking and lighting the candles in the window and setting the table and I had Polish Christmas again. They were exactly the same, and at the same time completely different experiences. I can't say which one I "liked better". There was really no way to compare them. Same smells, same tastes, same traditions - just pulled off in a slightly different manner.

Christmas was definitely different this year. A little rushed - I was only home for one week instead of two - and it was hard to think about coming back to life in New Jersey. But it was still Polish...(and we all know that's really what counts!)

love, Bethy

PS pictures to come soon once I figure out how to do that with no internet at home and no wireless at work with my pictures on my laptop. Hmm...a conundrum.

Snow Poetry

I found this poem that I had written last year on October 2. The first snow of the year was October 1, and I had been in the village all that day (Akiak, if I remember correctly), so the morning of the 2nd was the first morning that I walked to work after it had snowed.



There was hardly a dusting on the ground, but I had been helping out with volleyball practice in the morning, so, at 7:45am, I found myself going from the gym at BRHS over to TWC, and walking in the still and the quiet, I found this:

Today I walked to work
and whiteness brushed my face
landed on my nose and eyelashes
My hands reached
for cold
and warmth
and the beat went on
in my head
in my feet
in my heart
And I thought
I could stay here for a minute
for a day
forever
or...

Today I walked to work
as the snow fell.


Today is December 2. Exactly one year and two months after I wrote that. And in my commute to work this morning, I was thinking about all the differences. We haven't had any snow here, and I honestly kind of can't believe that it's December already...it's not very cold. As I remember, people kept telling me that Newark winters were the worst, but it's weird to not have snow now (in AK for one year, and here I am, expecting snow everywhere haha).

It was interesting to see that even in October, I had already fallen in love a little bit with Bethel, with Alaska, maybe just with the snow, but it was there.

And now here I am in New Jersey, desperately trying to figure out if I'm a "city girl" or ...well, or not. Yes, I love the drive in big cities - the energy - the lights, the action that is always happening. But I found that I also love the quiet, the whispers, the darkness, and the community that Newark, New York, San Francisco, Boston, DC can't offer. And the snowflakes landing on ground that doesn't "belong" to anyone - it is the earth - it "belongs" to all of us.

The search goes on...
The possibilities for next year are looming, opportunities starting to knock, and early as it seems, decisions are needing to be made. I both welcome and dread making them.

I wonder when it will snow here.

Love,

Things on my mind

I'm sitting in my kitchen, listening to my iTunes which now consists of some of the most eclectic music combinations that I've ever thought could exist. (I say this not to insist that I am an eclectic person, rather because I'm not really sure what else to call D.A.N.C.E. by Justice followed by Ubi Caritas by the Cambridge Jubilate Deo Singers followed by something from Seussical the Musical Original Broadway Recording followed by Orphan Girl by Crooked Still followed by...well, you get the picture.) Yes, I'm sitting in my kitchen on this lovely...Monday morning (I firmly believe that it's morning if it's within a few hours of waking up, regardless of AM or PM.)...not working. Yup. The Swine Flu caught up to me. I tried to foil it by moving across the country - clearly that didn't work.

Last weekend (the 19th-22nd), I was traveling in Raleigh, NC and Columbus, GA for the School of the Americas Protest. I saw tons of people that I knew, reconnected with old friends, made some new ones, etc. It was lovely. And then I came home with swine flu. (Although honestly, I think one of my teens had it before I left so maybe I got it from her?) The point is, that who the hell knows where I got it, I got it. And boy was it vicious.

I guess I'm more glad that I hadn't put any money down on any Thanksgiving plans because last Monday, at about this time (12:30) I found a doctor who would take my health insurance, and made my way (via a cab who was a little more competant than the last one I had to take...oh, cabs in Newark are worth of their own rant....I mean post...later) ...made my way to a doctor's office in Maplewood, NJ. (About two towns over, a little hard to get to, but the doc sounded really nice on the phone.) I went into the waiting room, promptly got a million forms to fill out and a MASK. The conversation went like this:

Receptionist: "Hello! Here's some papers to fill out" (clicks on computer) "You're here for flu symptoms? Here's this as well" (hands over mask)
Bethy: (laughs self-deprecatingly, because honestly, what the hell else am I supposed to do?)
Receptionist: "I know, I know, it looks great!"
Bethy: (FML.)

So, much to my chagrin, I must not be a real adult yet, because I had to call my Mom to help me fill out one of the forms. Yes, I have decided that being able to complete all of the forms required when going to see a new doctor is the indication of adulthood. Clearly, I'm not there yet. Almost, but not yet.

Well, the doctor came before I was finished with the forms and brought me back to the exam room, took my height and weight (I still find it fishy that doctors say "it doesn't matter if you take your shoes off when I'm weighing you. Whatever you want to do." but but but...my shoes weigh a LOT, right?:)

Well, the point is that the doc told me that I couldn't work until I could go 24 hours with no fever without taking any ibuprofen, and then I had to come back to her to get checked out again to be "medically cleared" to work again. Yes, she gave me a note that had the words "may not work until medically cleared" on it. Hoooooly moley.

So, without much else to do, I went home. And I stayed home. I have been outside the walls of this house one time in the last week, and that was to take a bag of garbage out to the garbage can. I went through the fevers and the shakes and the body aches, and quite a bit of ibuprofen.

I watched alot of Stargate...by a lot, I actually mean that I finished the entire Atlantis series. I'm now completely out of the stack of CDs that Anthony brought with him when he came to visit me in the beginning of September. And I've been thinking alot about next year. Every day, I miss Alaska like I could get ripped apart from the feeling. And it's hard to try to imagine loving living here in Newark, where anywhere outside the house feels so tenuous and unsure, unsafe. It's hard for me to admit to myself that I may never feel safe in my own neighborhood, on my own block.

But, as I was listening to my music this morning, and thinking about the future, and thinking about returning to work tomorrow (I'm going back to the doc to get "medically cleared" today at 5:00!) I was also reading my friend Kristina's blog (a JV in DC). That led me to Tom's blog (Baltimore) that led me to Stacy's blog (also Baltimore) and on her blog list, I saw a blog from one of the JVs in Bethel. Jill. I don't even know her, but you betcha I read her blog and laughed at the posts about just starting life in Bethel - they felt just like everything that happened to me at the beginning of last year. And I cried a little bit at her descriptions of some of the people she's serving and the hardships in their lives. And just as I finished, Ben Lee came on my iTunes, and reminded me that "We're All In This Together". And each word of that song came true in my mind, thinking about Newark, Bethel, San Francisco, New York and everywhere in between. Maybe what I need is to keep reminding myself that what I am doing, this change that I'm trying to make every day in Newark, NJ is somehow connected to what Jill is doing in Bethel - in many more ways than we're both JVs. Maybe something cosmic is at work here, maybe this is God's way of getting me to get it that I can be connected to Bethel - even here, even now, even when I'm on the 31 bus, enduring the stares and muttered comments and feeling like the worst type of fish out of water ever. Maybe.

Realizing this doesn't really make it easier. But as I return to work tomorrow, it's a thought to bring back to work with me...to bring back to regularly schueduled life with me.

Love, Bethy

Let's talk about bugs.

I know it's been awhile since I've updated. Sorry about that. Life has been busy and crazy (as per usual) and blogging about everything has once again fallen to very low on the list. But tonight, as I am laying on my bed and watching the first two...three...ok, maybe five or six by the end of the night...episodes of Stargate Atlantis, I'd like to discuss bugs.

Yes, bugs. Specifically the common house centipede. Sounds cute, doesn't it? Awww, you might think, that's like a nice bug in a children's story, right? Well, yes, I'm sure that centipedes have made appearances in many a picture book. They also make appearances in our house. Really doesn't seem too bad? Meet our house guests...


Now, I want you to stick out your index finger. Look at how long it is. That's how long they are. And they move fast. I've killed two already, and been on the hunt for another one that just scuttled at about 100 miles an hour under my door and out into the hall and then disappeared.

Now, I am not generally the squeamish kind, and I don't have problems with bugs when they're outside. Emphasis on the NOT being in my room part. Seriously, though, I have definitely never seen a bug this big or one that moves this fast. And certainly the creep out factor is probably as huge as the bug. (Note: Seeing one zoom across the floor of the bathroom at 4 in the morning, I legit thought that I was hallucinating.)

Wikipedia ensures me that I need not worry about bites, though the centipede does have poison. The article, here http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scutigera_coleoptrata has many more details and some other lovely pictures.


Here's one eating a cherry tomato


and the potential that they have to grow...














Really, these critters are not only super creepy, but a great incentive to clean my room so that I can see them when they come back. Yes, the mice have not arrived yet, but the centipedes have. And I'll never think of cute centipedes in picture books the same way again.

love, Bethy

PS Google image also has pictures of centipedes eating other centipedes, as well as a centipede eating a mouse. Yes. Eating a mouse. Yum.

Real Quick

I have lots to tell, but not a lot of time right now. But I have been pestered by some people to let them know how I'm doing.

The answer is that I'm doing well.

After a long orientation at Blue Ridge Summit, PA, my new housemates and I drove to Newark, and moved into our new house. We all got our own rooms, and the house is pretty amazing. The Newark JV house has never moved, and is the house that has been on the East Coast for the longest amount of time. So, quite a few people have lived and loved this house. And it's apparent as soon as you walk in the door. It's not just a house, it's a home. And it's our new home.

As a matter of fact, it's our VERY HOT home, as the weather here is pretty unbearably hot and sticky. The fact that three weeks ago, I was still in Alaska has never felt so sad in my life. I've already pronounced myself Queen of the Ice Cube Trays...

I have my own room, and my very large Irish flag is up, as well as the Traveling Jesus. I was blasting K'naan earlier today while getting ready to do a dry run on getting to work using the NJ Transit busses. (They're air conditioned...YES!)

That's all for now. I know it's not much detail, but I need to keep unpacking my suitcase, and get everything away. They'll be plenty of time to tell everything else.

Love, Bethy

On to everything.

Ok, ok. I admit it. I'm not even in New Jersey yet. But I am in the midst of piles and piles of my clothes trying to figure out what's staying, what's leaving with me, and what's being given to the Goodwill. Not to mention, I'm looking at all the things that I have acquired in my 22 years of life (most of which mean lots to me), and trying to think if I should take them to decorate my (possibly) shared room in Newark.

I'm leaving for orientation in two days. And I'm not really nervous. I'm excited, yes. I'm...calm, I think. And if you know me at all, I'm never calm about anything, so yes, this is strange.

I think it's because I feel a little stuck here in Lacey. Why am I here? It's become a strange waiting room, in between where I was and where I'm going next. I recognize the places (mostly...Lacey has undergone HUGE changes since I lived here), but neither the people nor the places are the same, or, maybe they are, and I'm just experiencing them differently. That's quite possible, and probably true. Either way, it leaves coming "home" as a experience that is different every time it happens, and less like home every time.

So maybe that's it - that home will be a strange, viscous-like substance. Something that I can't quite capture for awhile, something that, like an ice cube, melts faster and drips through my fingers the harder I try to hold on to it.

So, on to my future home, at least for the next year. On to the East Coast, where I've never called home. On to my JV year, where I hopefully will be challenged in every way I have ever imagined, and then 4 or 5 more ways that I never knew existed. On to life - the rest of my life - the beginning of everything that is to come.

Love, Bethy